Too many days…. and counting

I have been counting the lockdown days as best I can for the benefit of the daily blog. However, I have wondered whether I might have miscounted how many days it is since we originally shut our front door against the world, so I thought I’d check back.

The official ‘lockdown’ date was Tuesday, 24 March 2020. 325 days ago. John and I made a decision that we’d withdraw the week before, on Monday, 16 March 2020. 333 days ago. So, yes, one way or another, I think I’ve gained/lost some days somewhere. Apologies to those who have been counting with me.

Anyway, it was the volume of time that got to me today. It just seems such a long time since we were free and able to do as we pleased. I know we are all making the very best of it and some days are easier than others, but I saw, stretching before me, months and months of more of the same and I felt a big, black hole of despair open up.

It’s even invading my dreams now, and I woke up the worse for wear this morning, having been on the losing side of a game of ‘Risk’ against John in the night. The rest of the dream was also weird and wonderful – with a tsunami overwhelming us; the pharmacist at the local chemist forcing us to sit in a special, ‘lie-back’ chair to talk to her; and the assistant forcing us to talk to a microphone in the wall while she listened to its output, not six inches away. No wonder I was out of sorts today.

So, all those best intentions of ‘jobs planned’ were put on hold. The painting of the porch or the windowsill – nah, not today; the clear out of the dining room – not that either; the tidy-up upstairs – oof! no thank you; practise my singing? read a book? do yoga? look at Michael’s work? Erm… no, none of those either. The day felt too black to be attempting anything.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t all bad today. By mid-afternoon, I had brightened up a bit and managed to strip the bed and get the washing on. I’d ordered some shopping from the Co-op which was delivered promptly, and I’d done the usual ‘washing the shopping’ before putting it away. I’d opened the post, had a little go on the cross-trainer, and John was suggesting a walk in the freezing cold air.

The walk was exceedingly welcome but it was very cold. John walked a bit better today and we didn’t have quite so many pit-stops as we’d had yesterday. But there was a moment when he’d had enough and I offered to run and get the car. But no, Mr Determined was going to finish the walk by hook or by crook, so he did.

Once home, we cracked open the hot chocolate to warm our bones, and very welcome that was too. Of course, at that point, I decided I definitely wasn’t going to be getting on with anything so I sat and caught up on a few TV programmes.

Then, as these things do, thoughts of the family drifted into my mind and I started thinking of them all and missing them once again. Most particularly, I started thinking about Paul and his 40th birthday coming up at the end of the month. What the heck are we going to get him? He never wants for, or hankers after, anything very much, because he’s pretty contented with what he’s got. So it’s an awkward one – I spent hours this afternoon scrolling the internet for ideas. And how are we going to celebrate? Heaven knows. All suggestions welcome.

I think Andrew must have read my mind though today, because just as I went into the kitchen to start cooking the evening meal, he phoned. And it was lovely. He cheered me up no end. He is such good company and I was grateful to be able to talk to him. He was also cooking his evening meal as we chatted, so it felt very companionable to be doing the same thing at the same time. Not only that, I think his chef’s vibes rubbed off on me and our evening meal turned out to be absolutely delicious.

So, there we are. A day of two halves really. Hopefully tomorrow will be a full day of OK-ness. Fingers crossed. I know I have nothing to feel fussed about really, being so very blessed, but there are some days…….

The news is better, however, on the COVID front, with the trends down in almost every area and many of my friends texting or phoning to say they’ve had the jab. Hope springs eternal.

• 15,144 people tested positive for the virus today
• 758 people died in the community with the virus in the last 24 hours
• 250 people died in hospitals on 10 & 11 February
• And today is Day 38 of Lockdown 3

Little Arthur is still making progress, the pigeons are getting fatter by the day on our bird seed and my amaryllis is splendid. Enjoy.