In January, I thought I’d better set a monthly ‘something’ to look forward to. In the end, of course, I decided to say ‘yes’ to every invitation that was offered. And what a year it’s been so far. Friends and family have surrounded me with love and support and I’ve had a cracking time.
Plans to spend August fiddling in the garden have come to nought so far, with the grand plans on hold, yet again. Which led me to start thinking about how to live.
I knew this would come. I just didn’t know when.
It also led me to say ‘no’ and cancel some invitations/activities already in place. I am hoping I haven’t offended anyone but I expect I’ll find out when people stop talking to me!!
The thing is, recording what I/we do in the blog puts a shine on things. I usually aim to make it happy-ish. Sometimes, I can’t face sharing how I’m feeling, so the blog takes a back seat and I don’t write it – even when there have been happy events or success stories. To run with the façade of ‘I’m OK’ only lasts a little while before I’m really not OK.
So this week, I wasn’t OK. No matter that I’d had a lovely couple of days at Pete and Fran’s on Monday & Tuesday; a lovely lunch with Mike Downes on Wednesday, then another lovely lunch with Moira on Friday, followed by ‘food for the elderly’ when Catherine came on Friday evening.
No matter that I’d made the effort to exercise with a couple of walks and a class of yoga. No matter that I’d had a visit from Chris bringing a bar of chocolate to cheer me up, and then had a hoot at Quiz Night.
No matter that I’d successfully done a spot of decorating and a little bit of weed-pulling and dead-heading.
As Jaime, my dear yoga teacher says, we are human ‘beings’, not ‘doings’. In ‘doing’, I am hoping that the ‘being’ will reassert itself. However, no luck so far – I am not sure who I am, or what I’m here for; I’m just trundling along doing stuff and hoping for the best. And hoping that better is yet to come.
But the decorating has turned OK, hasn’t it?
Nice, downstairs loo? I know how you feel, have turned down invites/events this weekend myself. Mine was for a different reason though, just wanted some me time after a summer of grandma duties. It does get easier Anne, time really does help, it’s only recently that I’ve started to not feel lonely all the time.🤗🤗
THanks Glo – that’s helpful to know. And yes, downstairs loo at the Kenilworth Newbies! Cool wall paper, no?
The decorations are looking good I just wish you were feeling as good 😞.
You were with John for a long time and have been on your own for just a few months. In the grand scheme of things that is not long.
Be patient with and kind to yourself. It must be horribly hard but hang on in there- as Gloria says things will (slowly) get easier xxx
Thanks Dawn. I’m sure there’ll be many more ups and downs – I just hope the even keel re-asserts itself soon!!