Still grinding it out….

John is still in hospital and the NHS is doing its best to do all the checks they can to offer him the right treatment. He still has an infection which they are dealing with through IV antibiotics; they are checking his kidneys, which had taken a battering from one of the drugs he was on; and they are keeping on with the oxygen as his breathing isn’t great. They are doing their best and we are grateful.

Having said that, nursing care in hospital isn’t the same as wifely care, is it? I feel I want to be there 24 hours a day to tend his every need – but, of course, I can’t. And not only that, I don’t have any medical expertise, so what use would I be anyway? Still, it doesn’t stop the feeling of wanting to be there all the time.

When I am not there, I have a feeling of helplessness and distress because John is in distress. If only I could take away the pains, the panics, the sweats, the confusions. If only…..

Anyway, I went to visit as soon as I could today and spent the first part of the afternoon with John. As soon as I got there with a piece of chocolate cake that I’d made to tempt him, and a punnet of grapes, he pointed to the whiteboard, “Nil by mouth,” he said resignedly. Oh! He was going for an ultrasound scan on his kidneys. Not sure why it was nil by mouth for that – especially as he had to drink several glasses of water beforehand to make sure his bladder was full. See what I mean by no medical expertise? Not a clue…. Medics among you, answers please!!

But life is full of surprises, isn’t it? We were just getting into our chat and sorting out the niceties of getting ready for the scan when whom should we meet in the ward but Linda and Brendan!! Well, would you believe it?

It transpired that Linda’s Dad was in the cubicle opposite John’s bed – in an isolation unit. Linda said they had had a bit of a torrid time over the last few days as her father had had a fall and contracted an infection so, after trying to look after him themselves (Brendan without any sleep for 48 hours), he was finally ambulanced to hospital. Another family with a worry on their shoulders…..

John and I pootled our way through until about half past three, sorting out the scan, the oxygen, toileting and some food, before it was time for John’s first visitors: David and Darrell. Paul was also due to arrive but, rather than overload John with several visitors at once, he and I went to the café for a coffee, which I rather enjoyed. It was nice to have his company and calming influence.

After a while, we went back to John’s bed and I left Paul there to visit while I had five minutes fresh air. David and Darrell left and then, not long afterwards, Andrew arrived to see his Dad. At that point, I said my goodbyes – knowing that John was safe in his sons’ hands – but I really didn’t want to leave. It’s so hard to see the one you love exhausted and upset. Perhaps he’d had a few too many visitors today, in hindsight.

What has been particularly encouraging though, is that John has become less confused as the day has gone on. He was amusingly confused when I first arrived: “Have you been at work? Or at home? Or working from home?” he wanted to know. “I haven’t been at work,” I said, as gently as I could, “I’ve retired.” He was astounded. “Have you?” he responded, “Well, fancy that! You’re retired!!” Mind you, I am sure if I had a similar conversation with him this evening, he’d know that I’ve retired. He’s much more with it now, thank goodness, although he’s still feeling quite anxious.

“Come to our house for tea,” said Paul, as I was about to leave the hospital. Well, I was pleased to go there as I hadn’t seen the Kenilworth Originals for a few weeks. Why not? You may ask! They’d had COVID so had been out of bounds for the last couple of weeks. All recovered now though, so it was nice to see them and I had a lovely time with Freddie. He was adorable.

Talking of adorable – William has lost a second tooth today…. proud as punch he is! Hehe! Look at that grin!!

Well that’s all for now folks – more of the saga tomorrow, if you can bear it!!

Take care everyone. God bless.