Month: July 2023

Aren’t people lovely? I went to yoga class this morning and Jaime hugged me tight and said she was sorry to hear about my Mum and how was I doing? Then Margaret came and hugged me tight too, and offered her condolences through words, deeds, a card and a gift. So uplifting. So blessed. Felt a bit better after my yoga class!

John has had a better day today as well. He had a bit of a lie-in and then was up and about when I got back from yoga, ready for a chat with Moira, our lovely Lay Reader, who is going to officiate at Mum’s funeral. It was good to see Moira, even in such circumstances, because she has been an amazing advocate on my faith journey. In recent years, she has frequently had my back.

We made good progress on the Order of Service and had a good chat about what Mum wanted, and within the hour we were all done and dusted.

After we’d waved Moira on her way, John went into the garage to have a faff about with the Lotus. He’s keen to sort out exactly what needs doing so that when George comes on Thursday to help, they’ll have some idea about what’s what.

John managed to socialise a bit too. Pete walked past and stayed to chat to him on the way into the village; and I believe he did the same on his way back home. Cheered John up anyway. Pete’s always good company.

Meanwhile, I quickly grabbed a bite to eat and then shot off to the Birmingham Register Office to collect Mum’s death certificate. How many copies do we need? Heaven knows! I wasn’t sure and the Registrar wasn’t able to help. “Everyone’s circumstances are different,” she said, politely. Oh, right…….

It was a good run into Birmingham and out again and I felt I had achieved something, which is pretty good when you feel like you are paddling against the tide.

Home again, I made a cup of tea and John and I sat had just down in the lounge when the doorbell rang. It was my friend, Kaye. “I’ve got a parcel for you,” she said, grinning from ear-to-ear. She held the parcel out. It was from Amazon, addressed to John – yes, 138 Station Road. I looked at her, puzzled. “It came to my house,” she laughed, “it’s a good job I know you!” We chuckled – fancy that! Our address is nothing like Kaye’s address.

Anyway, it was very nice to be able to invite Kaye in for a cup of tea and chat. It’s such a long time since we did that and we thoroughly enjoyed her visit. Another person who is always good compapny!

Blessings, eh? Lots and lots of lovely sympathy cards which have been unexpected. Lots of friends already extended their condolences on e-chats, so I really wasn’t expecting cards. But I am very pleased to be receiving them. I am finding them really helpful – especially the messages contained in them. There was a very pretty one from Kelv and Ren today which is so pretty I’m just having to share…. apparently, flowers are very good for your mental health – fractals, y’know…….

Take care everyone. God bless.

Despite it being one of those things that you really don’t want to do, and it’s sad that you are having to rifle through your loved one’s papers, I had quite an enjoyable day today. Anita came over to help me and together we made progress on some boxes of documents that I really should have sorted out a couple of years ago.

Not only that, but we had a look at a selection of Orders of Service that Anita had collected together in recent times, and I was able to extract some ideas from them – including a possible idea for a Bible reading. I must be honest, the fact that we’re nearly there with the service is a bit of a relief to me.

We had a lovely lunch together too, including cream cakes courtesy of Anita, although John only ate half of his mains (made room for the cream cake though!) because, mid-way through his lunch, John took a call from an oncologist’s secretary. He has contacted a Professor of Oncology to try and set up a second opinion on whether there is any other treatment to be explored. Fingers crossed.

Having missed his exercise class – and having eating cream cake – John thought he might do a round-the-block walk and so set off, not long after our lunch. He did quite well and got as far as the Village Hall on his circuit before he phoned for assistance. He wasn’t particularly out of breath but his leg was aching a bit so he thought the last couple of hundred yards might be a bit too much.

Towards the end of the afternoon, I was delighted to welcome a chap to the house who’d agreed to do a little bit of gardening. The front garden has been growing a fabulous selection of buttercups, thistles, oak trees and lemon balm, in addition to the intended plants in there.

The young man scooped up all those rogue plants and popped them into the green waste bin, before picking up his clippers and turning his attention to the front hedge that John had lovingly planted during lockdown. Hey presto! It had its first haircut. The front is beginning to look quite trim now!! (See what I did there?😜 )

We both felt worn out by the end of the day, so it’s been a bit of TV watching this evening and plans for an early night, but we have been buoyed up by the exciting news that Graham and Gail are planning to fly over to ol’ Blighty and will arrive on Sunday.

I tried to play it cool when Graham asked if I wanted them to come. “It’s your decision,” I replied, knowing that it really was, but shed a tear of relief and excitement when Gail said, “We’re coming!!” She can read me like a book that girl.

God bless. Take care everyone.

Andrew arrived home at 4.30 a.m. on Friday night. I always sleep better when I know he’s home, even though the key in the door woke me up! I was amazed that after such a late night, he was up early on Saturday, too – just as we were having a lovely chat to Graham and Gail!

All three of us sat on the bed, chit-chatting away to them, so it was nice – even though the topic of conversation was Mum’s funeral. We made some decisions though, so that was good, and we can plough on with those.

Not long after we’d rung off from the Oz airwaves, my cousin Janet arrived. “I’m not stopping,” she said, proffering a sympathy card and a beautiful orchid plant (Mum’s favourite), “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your Mum,” Now, Janet is such a lovely person that of course we wanted her to come in and have a cuppa and a piece of cake – so she did. And it was lovely. We sat chatting for a fair while before she insisted on the leaving us to ‘get on with things’. But we always enjoy her company, so her presence lifted our spirits somewhat.

The gentlemen of the family had a bit of the snooze in the afternoon, while I watched the Ladies’ Singles final at Wimbledon and prepped a lasagne for our tea. “Do you want me to do it, Mum?” Andrew asked. Well…. yes but, no but…. I always thinks it’s wonderful when someone else sorts out our food for us but, on the other hand, for Andrew, it’s a bit of a busman’s holiday, so I’d rather he had a rest. Anyway, the lasagne turned out OK, even if it wasn’t Chef who prepped it!

Michael, Danielle and the family landed mid-afternoon. It was a sleepover, and the children were excited. Danielle had sent a photo of the boys and texted: ‘Boys have their ‘sleepover’ bags packed (and suitcase for teddies)‘ – I was excited then!! It’s always thrilling when they come to stay.

The boys had a brilliant afternoon together. They were all busy helping Michael fit some sidebars to his van. John was Overseer, of course, with the plans in his hand and issuing the instructions. Michael was Major Engineer and the children were the Runners. Great fun.

The sun had just broken through when my friend Chris Price, from church, called in with a bunch of lovely flowers, sympathy and some lovely chat. I didn’t think to offer her tea or coffee, but we sat chatting for a good while which I found really helpful. So blessed to have such thoughtful friends.

Naturally, a sleepover with the children means an early start the next morning. Mind you, I was grateful for the early morning call: Andrew was due to set off for the airport at 6.30a.m. and I wanted to wave him off.

At 6.25, Andrew said his friend would be collecting him in twenty minutes. Cool. At 6.30, Andrew said “Nobody panic! I can’t find my passport.” Ha! Me? Panic? Would I do such a thing?

Anyway after a few minutes of hunting, Andrew found his passport and so all was well. His friend arrived and they set off for Nijmegen. Andrew doesn’t think he’s going to be walking – he was too late to enter this year – but who knows? He might march along with his friend for a while…..

We brunched this morning, before sorting out the meat and veg for the Sunday Roast. David and Darrell were due to arrive about mid-day, which they duly did, and then they watched on as the children shelled the fresh peas. Brings back memories….

We had a lovely lunch together, although I got irritable when David sat where I’d placed one of the children, then wanted different cutlery…… it all worked out in the end, but I had to apologise for snapping his head off!! Eeek!

We have been ‘on the go’ most of the day with one thing and another and it’s been enjoyable. But John found it hard. With everybody being busy around him while he is feeling so tired and resting on the sofa, it brought a sharp focus to what he can and can’t do. Upsetting.

If you are so inclined, happy, healthy healing vibes and prayers would be appreciated.

Take care everyone. God bless us all.

After saying goodbye to Mum the other day, I realise that there’s work to be done now! So we’re on the ‘making arrangements’ trail…..

Yesterday, we went over to Mum’s care home and packed up all her clothes and belongings. I didn’t like that experience at all. All that’s left is a ‘bag o’ bits’? Not a nice feeling.

Paul and Michael helped because there was a large-ish chair, a TV and a lamp to transport home, so Michael took his van so that we could get it all in.

Paul, having had plenty of experience in this area, was ‘on it’ and immediately fell to, gathering everything into the suitcases and wheeling the chair out of the door. Michael and I stood around like spare parts, surveying the room, remembering, and not quite knowing how to respond.

Anyway, the bits and bobs are now at my house for sorting to send to the charity shop. This was a job I planned to do today, but other things took over. There’s such a lot to do isn’t there?

After we’d brought Mum’s things back yesterday, John and I went over to Paul’s for a cup of tea and a bit of cake, and ostensibly, to look at their emerging extension. The kitchen cupboards are now being fitted and some large snagging jobs being attended to. John went and had a look round, but I didn’t because I’d been there the day before and had a look see already. It’s coming on and the cupboards are really lovely, but will it be ready by Christmas? Hehe! (family joke)

Today promised to be a day of enjoyment and a little bit of work. Kaffee und Kuchen with the Crosses this morning, and another go at getting together with Anita for paper-sorting. Just as I was about to set off to the shops, Anita phoned. She too, was going out for coffee with friends and we both agreed that it would be a bit of a rush to travel down to Balsall Common this afternoon. So we’re planning to see each other on Monday. Third time lucky, I hope!!

We had a good old natter round at Pete and Dawn’s – always, always lovely to see them and chew the cud. We always have a laugh, too, which lightens our moods. So we feel very blessed.

This afternoon, then, I thought I’d do a bit of paper sorting on my own; and put Mum’s clothing into appropriate piles and bag them up ready for the charity shop. But first, I thought I’d watch a bit of tennis.

John decided to toddle off to Wickes to buy some wood, waved goodbye and left me to it. About five minutes later, the funeral director phoned. He had a question. “I know you’re coming on Monday but…” He was wanting to know about the service for Mum. “No worries,” I said, “My friend isn’t coming today after all, so I can come across to you now?” Yep. That would work. Hold the tennis. And the paper sorting. And the clothes sorting……

I texted John to let him know what I was doing. Ha! That was a waste of time. No proper signal in the funeral director’s part of the village, so it never got through. Poor John had no idea where I was when he got back. And naturally, I wasn’t responding to texts or phone calls without a signal, was I?

Anyway, all was well. After just over an hour or so, I toddled back home, much to the ol’ man’s relief.

Decisions. That’s what the visit to the funeral director was all about. Decisions. Ouch.

Still, I came away having agreed that we will hold Mum’s funeral at St Peter’s Church in Balsall Common, on Thursday 27 July 2023 at 12 noon. My dear friend Moira will lead the service, about which I am delighted, and we are hoping that Kim, the choirmaster, will play the organ/piano and the choir will be in attendance. That’s what Mum wanted, so fingers crossed.

So there we are, making arrangements.

In the meantime, friends are thinking of us and sending lovely messages of support, cards of condolence or flowers. Gorgeous bunch of flowers from Linda Bones today. I was very touched.

Take care everyone. God bless.

I said goodbye to Mum today. Phone call just after 9 a.m. to tell me that she had died about half an hour or so before.

I had planned to spend the day with Anita – brunch first, then sorting out some of Mum’s papers together. However, I cancelled the arrangement and went over to the hospital to talk to the doctors and nurses who had been looking after Mum instead.

There was not a lot to say, really – other than Mum had been unwell during the night and they had tried infusions of antibiotics, to counter the infection they had discovered in her blood, and paracetamol for pain relief.

The doctor I spoke to was very kind and said all the right things. So, too, did the sister in charge, so I came away, having stroked Mum’s forehead as a farewell, feeling sad, but not overwrought.

I am sad that Mum’s life has passed away, but relieved that her suffering has ceased. The last few weeks have not been nice for her at all, bless her.

Feeling the need to do something, I went across to the care home after I left the hospital and brought a few of Mum’s things back with me – but realised I hadn’t quite taken enough suitcases with me, having forgotten just how many things she had accumulated in the time she had been there. Another trip will be required, methinks.

Meanwhile, John had gone out for breakfast with Bryan this morning and had a good time. With the knowledge that Mum had passed on, John and Bryan were able to chew the cud a bit with regards to dealing with the fallout of such an occasion, which I think John found very helpful.

I spoke to Graham to let him know, and he promptly abandoned the evening out he’d been having to await more news. For once, the WhatsApp phone calls between us worked and so we were able to commiserate with each other, quite uninterrupted.

Naturally, the immediate family is upset. No matter how old, how cantankerous or how demanding Mum had been during her lifetime, we all loved her dearly and, in recent years, she had been positively angelic, so good memories have been generated. She was a massive presence in our lives, always.

This afternoon, Michael said he was going to take Chester for a walk. I too, had been thinking I’d take a walk to clear out the brain a bit, so we walked together to Paul’s and sat in his garden for a little while, talking it over. That was nice. Helpful.

As the day comes to a close, I suddenly realise how draining the emotional response to this situation is, and find I am weary. John, too, is weary, so we have sat companionably together on the sofa, with our memories, counting our blessings, happy just to be together and grateful for the family and friends drawing us in close. And so begins a new chapter….

Take care everyone. Tell those you love that you love them. God bless.

Dad jokes? Paul was full of them today!! I had texted Paul to ask if he could take John to Heartlands next Wednesday morning. Yes – he could. Lovely. Then he wanted to know whether the stairlift representative had visited yet?

As it happened, we were just settled nicely, listening to her soothing tones and agreeing to have the stairlift fitted next Wednesday, when the jokes started….. ‘Be careful – prices can escalate…..’ ‘Lots of ups and downs in the industry….’ ‘Enjoy the purchase. It should be an uplifting experience…..’ ‘Easy – one step at a time…..’ Well, they made us chuckle anyway!

John was resistant to getting a stair lift, but I suggested that the grandchildren would have a fabulous time on it, even if he didn’t need it yet, so we’ve gone ahead and bought one. Fingers crossed it works out well.

All in all we had a busy day really, one way and another. I nipped to yoga this morning and John took himself a walk, calling into the shops to buy some milk on the way. He did well, completing a mile circuit. He was a bit tired afterwards, mind you, and fell asleep during the first half of the telephone call to Australia!

It was lovely to talk to Graham and Gail. It’s been a while since we’ve chatted – and it always amazes me that five minutes has seemingly gone by but, in actual fact, we’ve been talking for over an hour! They suggested that we get a second opinion on John’s situation, so we’ll see what we can do. In the meantime, we are waiting for results of a blood test to come back, to see if John might be a suitable candidate for a brand new drug that NICE has just approved. That would be good if he was, wouldn’t it?

After the stairlift girl had gone on her way mid-afternoon, it was great to see Brendan who called in to collect some oak saplings that John has been growing. Linda and Brendan have some land they can plant them in, so we’re hoping that they take and have long lives. May we call it John’s Wood? Hehe!!

Originally driven by the fact that we might move house, I have started de-cluttering. Hence the feeling of tiredness yesterday, I think. However, because we have been so busy today, I’ve hardly done any of it. I did sort out a few things from a ‘bag of bits’ this morning, but I am now daunted by the task ahead. There is so much to do!! But one step at a time, eh? If only I were not a hoarder….. ah, well, it gives me something to do, when I haven’t got anything else, doesn’t it?

Take care everyone. God bless.

We have had a very relaxing day today which has been very much needed.

This morning Margaret and Chris called on us in their respective Lotus cars to take us to the Lotus Drivers Club breakfast meeting at Stoneleigh. Well, that was fun! We thoroughly enjoyed the drive in their cars; the breakfast; the company and meeting new people. Really good.

The weather stayed fine and it was warm, too. John managed well throughout the whole proceedings and admired the dozens of Lotus cars on display in the car park. It spurred him on so much that he spray-painted a washer and a screw for his car this afternoon…..

For the rest of the day we have just watched sport on TV. So much to choose from!! The cricket…. boy, that was scary; the tennis… that was tense/exciting; and the Grand Prix….that was (more or less) predictable – but nonetheless enjoyable for all that.

We were just pondering whether to droop our eyes as we watched the telly or not, when there was a rattle of a key at the front door and who should be coming through it but Andrew!

Super surprise. We were delighted to see him and to hear all about his new job and generally have a bit of a catch-up. Such a very welcome surprise. Lovely. And, bless him, he cooked our evening meal for us, too. I’d just said, “I’ll go and cook the tea,” when he piped up: “I’m doing it. I’ve already got the chip pan on.” Ah…. thank you……bliss.

In between times, we have been grateful for all those wonderful friends and family members who have reminded us that we’re loved and saying ‘if there’s anything we can do?’ So appreciated.

And that’s us today. Not a lot else to report, but I expect normal service will be resumed tomorrow and I’ll find plenty to write about.

Take care everyone. God bless.

After ‘a funny day’ on Monday, things turned even funnier on Tuesday.

We went to meet the oncologist at Heartlands Hospital to hear the latest on John’s condition. As it turns out, the tablets he’s been taking are not doing the trick. John’s PSA levels are going up and there are a few more areas in the pelvic area showing signs of the disease. Oh. Ah. Hmmmm….. so the consultant advised that the tablets will be withdrawn after this last batch. ‘What next?’ we wondered. Apparently, nothing next. No more treatment.

Great disappointment and obviously, upset at the news. Neither of us has taken it very well. But one day at a time, eh?

Tuesday hadn’t started well and didn’t finish well either. I visited Mum in the afternoon to find that she’s not doing brilliantly.

The OT was determined to get her out of bed so, between us we managed it and sat her in the chair. “We could leave her in the chair until tea-time,” suggested the OT. I demurred. Tea-time was five o’clock. It was three o’clock at the time of transfer. “OK, let’s try an hour then, shall we?” I still thought that was too long, but I am not an OT, so nodded in agreement. “We can always put her back into bed if she gets tired,” continued the OT, “but I’m off now. I’ll keep in touch.” Great…..

Twenty minutes in and I could see that Mum was tiring fast. However, there weren’t enough nurses around to help her back into bed. It was the full hour before we got her back there. I wasn’t happy.

The following day the OT phoned me to say they were going to try and transfer Mum to a nursing home and….oh, by the way, the bed sore that had been Grade Two on Tuesday was now a Grade Three…..great… (again).

However, despite the setbacks, we packed our bags and set off on the road to Taunton on Wednesday, where we were meeting the ‘Old Gang’ from our teenage years. I wondered whether John would want to go after the pasting we’d taken on Tuesday, but he was up for it. And it turned out to be the best medicine possible. So lovely to be among dear friends who love us as much as we love them.

We had the most uplifting time. A meal out on Wednesday at a pub where the landlady was as delightful as she could possibly be. Nothing was too much trouble and she offered us a Table Quiz to boot. I had originally thought that after a day’s travelling and then eating fairly late, John might find the Quiz too daunting – but no, he joined in and a good time was had by all.

On Thursday it was our Day Out. Choo! Choo! The Great Western Steam Railway was calling. Fabulous. We had a smashing journey into Minehead where we tumbled from the carriage straight into The Turntable Café where we had toasted teacakes and coffee, before meandering along to the Esplanade.

Here we all are, grinning like Cheshire Cats… (Dave was taking the photo):

Despite the ominous clouds, the weather was great. Very warm and the rain held off. By the time we got to the Esplanade, where we intended to play Crazy Golf, the sun had come out and we had to divest some of our outer layers to keep cool.

What fun we had on the Crazy Golf Course!! Oh, my! Talk about giggle, ooh and aah at the shots played! Thoroughly enjoyed ourselves!! And guess who won? The ‘ol man himself!!

Richard joined us at the café after we’d finished our game, having had a walk into town for pint instead, and we all piled into the Jubilee Café for ice creams/afternoon teas. Yum! Sunned ourselves, too, as it was very warm by then! (Managed to get Dave in on this one!)

Ah, yes! Time with friends – definitely a tonic for the soul.

We came home on Friday, after a leisurely breakfast together. We sat for a couple of hours at the breakfast table just chatting, which was so enjoyable. Hugged everyone good bye and then wended our way home just after mid-day.

We had a good journey home, and flopped into the house not long after three o’clock. Boy, we were tired. The week had caught up with us. Time for an early night? Well, we thought so, but neither of us could sleep so we were both up and wandering around at about one o’clock in the morning. Honestly, you can’t predict anything, can you?

We’re now planning to take life as it comes and enjoy it as much as we can. Although we’ve got a few things planned, we’ll see how the mood takes us at the time. In the meantime, we’re open for visitors, folks……….

Take care everyone. God bless.

It’s been a bit of a funny day. We didn’t rush to get up, but John came bursting into the spare bedroom where I’m sleeping, to check whether I was phoning the doctor’s surgery. No, I wasn’t. “Don’t worry,” he said, “I’m in the queue: Number 8.” Right. Golly, I had forgotten that we were both going to try getting through the surgery this morning. Good job John remembered.

John scooted down to the surgery for 10.30, leaving me to do a spot of tidying up. I did that, and then remembered that I needed to unjam the paper from the printer. I’d been printing something on Saturday and it had eaten the remaining ‘feed’ paper – 3 sheets – and promptly stopped working.

I found a YouTube video and started watching it. Ah! I needed a screwdriver. Ran downstairs, collected my toolkit and ran back upstairs again. Darn it! The screws were too stiff for my arthritic hands. Ran back downstairs for the electric screwdriver. Just then John came home.

“How did you get on at the doctors?” I asked. “OK,” John replied, “the doc’s going to give me salt tablets to see if that’ll help on the fainting situation and advised me to drink plenty of water.” I filled the jug with water ready for the day.

I told John what I was doing. Did he want to come and supervise me on the unjamming of the printer? He said he would. Well, I was jolly glad he did. We had to dismantle the whole blooming printer, more or less! I’d never have succeeded on my own.

We went and had a bite to eat for lunch to celebrate the successful mission accomplished. We turned the TV channel to Wimbledon. Poor John – he hates this fortnight. Wall to wall Wimbledon…… hehehe. “I’m going out to the garage to see what I can do on the car,” the ol’ man declared about three o’clock. Righty-ho. Bless.

I was still glued to the tennis on TV when John came in from the garage about a quarter past four. “I’m going upstairs to have a lie down,” he said as he passed the lounge door. Good idea, I thought. Much better to lay in bed that slouch on the sofa.

Well, that’s what I thought then. Haven’t seen him since. He’s been asleep all evening! Clearly exhausted from the trip to the GP, the printer and car mending.

I checked on him at tea-time, but he was snoozing on so I thought I’d let have his sleep out. I then took him a cup of tea midway through the evening to see if he was OK. “I’m staying here,” he said. “You can close the curtains.” I wonder if he’ll wake up in the middle of the night and be ready to start his day at three o’clock in the morning? I’ll be interested to find out!

Take care everyone. God bless.

We took it easy again this morning, lazing in bed and eating a leisurely breakfast. No rush at all. Just a gentle meandering through the morning.

I popped upstairs and coloured my hair and had a shower, getting ready to go out at lunchtime, while John tortured himself watching the cricket.

Finally, we were both ready and set off on the little walk round to Pete and Dawn’s for Lucy’s 30th birthday celebrations. John set off a bit before me, as I had Lucy’s card to write, but I caught him up on the corner of Pete and Dawn’s road. “You’ve forgotten to bring my bag!” he said, grinning at me. Ah……. “I think I’ve left it on the stairs.” he continued. No worries, I told him, I’d go back for it. We arrived at Pete and Dawn’s, greeted everyone and dropped Lucy’s present in. “I’m just going back home,” I said, “see you all in a minute!”

The party was lovely. All of the Cross family were there with their attendant husbands and offspring as well as great-grandma Jean; Aunty Jan and Uncle Dave, with their daughter and their grandchildren and so on….. It was a full house! What a privilege to part of it.

Everyone bustled about to get the table filled with sumptuous food, including Peter’s home-made chocolate-chip ice cream; several people prepared drinks and offered them round, and we all settled in for a jolly good time.

The weather was kind to us and the patio doors were flung wide open, with everyone spilling out into the garden to play games; little Arthur trotted round and round the house, thoroughly enjoying himself. He was most fascinated by the very posh birthday cake and was very keen to get stuck in to that! Bless him – so cute. We managed a picture of Lucy with the cake before he got his hands on it though!

We came home about four o’clock. The party was still in full flow, but tiredness had set in. Pete Sharkey offered us a lift home, which we gratefully accepted.

As we walked down the path to the front door, John was irritated by the overgrowth of the plants in the front flowerbed and the roses over the doorway. “I’ll do it, John. I’ll cut them back.” Ha! He gave me a withering look and said, “You never do!” Oh, dear. So, while John sat and watched the Grand Prix, I toddled outside with my secateurs and did the dirty deed. There! Done!

We spent our evening watching a bit of TV and relaxed some more. This is the life, eh?

Take care everyone. God bless.