Gentle Envy

Gentle feelings of envy ….. for a fair bit of the day today. Some days do that to you, don’t they? The feelings were sparked by the fact that we were on the hospital trail again. I thus had ‘a feeling of discontent’.

There was no ill-will, begrudging or resentment – just an undercurrent of bother.

As I woke up this morning, I considered the day ahead…. chores loomed, a trip to the QE hospital in Birmingham, followed by another trip to Heartlands hospital in another part of Birmingham. In between times, a haircut and blow-dry, then a return journey to collect John from Heartlands, before Quiz night tonight.

What bothered me in the early morning sunlight, as I pondered the our plans for the day, was the sensation of being unable to keep on top of our household jobs. For a nano-second, I was envying all those who are seemingly able to keep houses clean and tidy with hardly any effort at all.

Later on, the bother was the commitment to the hospital appointments. Usually, it’s John who is puffing and sighing at the time taken sitting in waiting rooms or in queues of traffic. Today, it was me.

We arrived in good time at the QE and waited. The appointed time came and went. There was a lady nearby, anxious to get in to see the doctor as she had treatment booked. Her anxiety fed mine. “We’re going to be late getting to Heartlands, John,” I said. “Chill,” he replied. I arched my eyebrows at him. Chill? Where’s your normal foot-tapping and fidgeting gone then?

We finally got in to see the doctor just three-quarters of an hour late. Which, in turn, led to us getting to Heartlands three-quarters of an hour late. We had thought to phone ahead to let the nursing staff know that John would be late for his treatment, but no-one was answering the phone. Ho-hum.

Having left John at Heartlands, clearly with his patience bag very full for a change, I drove home for a bite to eat. With ten minutes to stuff food down my neck before I needed to get off for my hair appointment, I felt a little envious of all those people whom I imagined were having time to sit and eat a leisurely lunch. Honestly, doesn’t your mind play tricks with you?

The journey back to collect John was fairly tortuous, with traffic jams all over the shop. Poor John had been sitting outside waiting for me for half an hour by the time I got there. How we would like not to have to be doing this. Some people don’t, it seems. Oh, crikey, there was that envy again….

This evening, however, was Quiz Night and an excellent evening all round. Great quiz, nice to get some of the answers for a change, and very good company. Chased away those feelings of envy as I was reminded of just how fortunate we are to have such good friends.

Tomorrow is another day, and I don’t expect to wake up with any feelings of discontent – it’s going to be a Freddie morning and a Mum afternoon. That should chase away the cobwebs, shouldn’t it?

Meanwhile, John has been patience itself today. He has taken the day as it came and gently accepted it, warts and all. Amazing – must take a leaf out of his book…..

What news on the COVID front, then? 29,612 people tested positive for the virus today and 104 people died in the community. 36 people died in hospitals on 9 & 10 August. As you can imagine, this is one area about which I am not envious at all.

Stay safe everyone and look after yourselves and your loved ones. God bless.

2 thoughts on “Gentle Envy”

  1. Hope tomorrow a better day Anne. Hospital attendance is exhausting and does not seem to be connected to length of wait or time of day or even if you are the patient! Add in the on going anxiety about long term conditions and the frustration of traffic then discontent is inevitable.
    I too feeling discontent today as our son arrived this week after 20 months of longing to see him, his Pcr test result at 3pm is negative so we planned a visit to his sister and new baby as soon as he finished work, shoes on and door open and he has text to self isolate due to close contact, can only be on the plane, but if all travelling test negative in order to board ??
    But he is here so remind myself to be content x

    1. Thank you Liz, but oh, gosh!! I am so sorry that what should have been a wonderful reunion for you turned into a disappointment. It’s so frustrating to think that everyone who boarded the plane tested negative but on landing someone is poorly and tested positive. And I find it difficult to understand why you have to self-isolate after a PCR test….. But you are right – we have to remind ourselves to be content don’t we? Because, actually, we are mostly blessed. Thinking of you and hoping you can be all be together soon.

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